So here I sit, with no time to do anything because I have a list of a million things I NEED to be doing in my mind (that load of laundry from the weekend still sitting in the basket, cleaning out the fridge to find that funky smell etc etc...) but at the same time have nothing BUT time. See. Makes no sense. The OCD in me makes me want to have everything perfect all the time, everything in it's place. All the items in the pantry organized by type of can, all facing forward, the towels on the rack all folded the same way-then re-stacked according to size or they just don't look right...all the while thinking of all the things that are stressing me out. The pre-teen who hates everything unless she's getting her way, the 6 going on 16 year old who absolutely refuses to put laundry away, like she's on some clean clothes strike because of unfair labor laws of a child. Ugh. That doesn't even put a dent in it.
So here I am blogging. I have to find an outlet to get some of this stuff out. I want to write about things that I have found that make my crazy life easier, and maybe will help other crazy moms/parents. I want to write about things that piss me off, just so that maybe someone out there can relate and I won't feel so alone in some of these struggles. I want to write about good things that make me smile, so that maybe somewhere, I can change someone's day by bringing them a smile and let them know the world isn't all about bad news and negative crap.
Random right?
That's me. Random. With a dash of overly-organized chaos, and maybe a hint of optimism mixed with occasional hopelessness. Hold on to your seats, this may be a bumpy ride.
On the list of things that are on my mind today? Here's the daily mess that is going on in this brain of mine...
Started off my day by avoiding phone calls from people that want the money that I obviously don't have to give them, or I would have. Then I think to myself, why banks call overdraft "protection" any kind of protection at all. You're charging the brokest people money for not having enough money. You're basically, in a nutshell, making poor people more poor. What kind of protection is that? By allowing people to get further into debt that they already are, by charging them a $35 fee for a $3 bag of potatoes at the grocery store.
So after I get that thought running through my head, I open up yesterday's mail to see that my electric bill is twice what I had budgeted for. Knowing that it's because the AC was messed up for the first month in our new place isn't helping matters. So I run around the house shutting off all the lights in the rooms that aren't being used, and curse under my breathe that the kids always seem to leave their tv's on when they go to school, and that the toilet is running, and that the energy efficient washing maching is full of shit because it isn't efficient at all...you think that's all? Oh no, the list goes on.
ADD remember??? So I go into the garage to make sure the door is closed, and find a million houseflies. I don't panic, I grab my can of Raid and proceed to attack these things like they're killer bees out to overtake the world. In essence, they ARE, they are taking over my garage (which I might add I can't park my car in because my daughters use it as a personal playground full of stuffed animals, bubbles and random toys they've now decided all of a sudden they want to play with.) So after I have sprayed every surface with the disgusting spray, I go back into the house only to realize that there are now three, yes THREE full baskets of clothes sitting to be washed. How did this happen you ask? I'll tell you. My girls have found this messed up system that when I tell them to clean their rooms, they put EVERY SINGLE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING IN A LAUNDRY BASKET AND TELL ME IT'S DIRTY. Yes, that's me yelling in my mind. I know I've washed that same stupid pink tutu dress five times in the last two weeks. I know it's not dirty. I know half of this, NO, 3/4 of this is not dirty. But alas, it goes into the wash because (OCD) the clean clothes have touched the dirty clothes, and have been tainted. Guilt by association. So I do laundry I don't really need to do because I am compelled to do so. Then I get mad at myself when I get a $350 electric bill...and that's after my huge credit of $12, which I was so proud of myself for having had $12 extra to pay last month.
Sigh.
Then I go to the kitchen. That was a poor decision. I realize I never did the dishes last night after dinner, so they are piled in the sink, dripping all over each other with filth and leftover food. I turn on the water and try to find the bottom of at least one of the sinks, so I get this off my checklist for the day as well. Fast forward a half hour-the dishwasher is full and I have to make an executive decision....do I stop and wait for the dishwasher to be done, and finish the big stuff then, or do I clear off the counter and get my drying pads out and just get it allllll done right now? Ugh. Just get it done and over with, and so I do, talking crap under my breathe the whole time that I don't understand how these kids can go through 13, yes THIRTEEN glasses since yesterday. They didn't run a marathon, they didn't have a party, they didn't even have friends over. I didn't even think I had enough Crystal light in the house to fill 13 glasses. I guess I was wrong. So after I get (what I THOUGHT was all the dishes) cleaned up, I walk in my room to realize that I was wrong. I have a coffee cup and a dessert plate on my nightstand. So what do I do? I proceed to walk through every room of the house making sure that they are no more dishes that need to be done. Mistake. Big mistake.
Although I tell them that they are not supposed to have drinks or food in their rooms, I should have known better. In looking for dishes, I find so much more. I don't know why I sound surprised. I deal with this every, single day. Let's rewind. I find 7 more glasses, four plates, two bags of chips that have known gone stale (in my 6 year old's sock drawer I might add) as well as a rotten banana peel, dog pee in their bathroom, a clogged toilet, a sinkful of toothpaste and handsoap mixed with something that resembles pink lip gloss that is stuck like little piles of cement as well as a desk that has cut marks in it from the youngest ones latest temper tantrum because I wouldn't let her play Roadblox last night before bed.
And it's not even noon.
So now here comes the hard questions.
I want their rooms clean, but I want THEM to clean them. At what point of them going in there to get them clean but coming out with letters to mommy about how much they love me and I'm the best mommy ever, and never EVER getting their rooms clean, do I step in and do it myself? If I do, then I totally override the statement "NO ONE helped you make the mess, so NO ONE is going to help you clean it up!", and I have lost the battle forever. OR, so I just shake my head and continue to punish them with no tv or internet until it gets done, but have them come at me every ten minutes with the endless nagging that they're starving, it's going to take forever, the yelling, the crying, the excuses, the begging etc that comes with trying to get them to clean it themselves? It's a never ending battle that never has a winner. The times that I have cleaned it, I only end up getting insanely pissed off that something that takes me hours to do takes 15 minutes to undo. There's no remorse. There's no apologies. Usually just "I don't know what happened mom, it WAS clean...." along with the blame and screaming that it was the other one's fault, followed by either slamming doors or screaming at me that the other is accusing them of something.
This is the point I usually feel like jabbing hot forks into my eyes, and wishing more than anything in the world I had bought that clearance bottle of wine a Wynn Dixie simply because although I know it would taste like shit-the alcohol content was 14%-I could use that bottle (with a straw) right at this particular moment in time.
These are the images in my head that I know will soon become a reality about twenty minutes after the end of school bell rings and they come running in the door, throwing backpacks and shoes on my freshly mopped floor, trying to get to me first to rat out whoever comes in second for whatever crappy thing they did to each other on the ride home.
Tomorrow? I have no idea. I know I'll still be broke trying to rob Peter to pay Paul.. I know they'll be a fight of some kind. Highlights? They'll like their dinner....their homework will be done without my tween trying to convince me I don't know algebra because it wasn't around when I was in school...or maybe JUST maybe, I'll have a half hour of peaceful play time to relax and watch something on tv. But that's tomorrow. I haven't even survived today yet.
Just FYI, I finished the dishes now that the sink was full again, I did two more load of laundry (remember, the nearly clean kids clothes?) and even managed to take the dog for a walk. It is so sad that I look at this as being accomplished.
Today's mommy bitch session is over for today, at least on here. I'm sure that I'll have plenty more to share tomorrow, or whenever I have the time to get back on here.
Til then, I hope there's someone out there that can relate. If not - I hope I at least brought a smile to some of your faces, and provided the motivation for some teenagers to really think twice before engaging in premarital unprotected sexual relations. Smh. There's your first dose of crazy. =)
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